THIS IS HILARIOUS AND ADORABLE

Animals Talking in All Caps... I mean, ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS is a hilarious website I stumbled upon recently and it's just the thing to prompt a laugh. Each post is offered in a bite-sized piece appropriate for those of us only getting up to three hours of sleep at a time. (I try to stay sharp and read the NY Times online while nursing, but I often fade quickly after the lede.) SHHHHHHHHHHH. THEY’RE LISTENING.
PRETEND TO BE BREAD. NOBODY NOTICES BREAD.

GARY! ARE YOU HOME? I CAN’T FIND MY SHOES, AND SOMEONE MOVED THE DOORKNOB! IS THIS EVEN YOUR HOUSE? GARY!
… GARY!
EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE VODKA AND I WANT MY SHOES!
GARY WHERE IS YOUR DOORKNOB!
ALLIGAAAAAAAAAATOR TEEEEEEEEEEAAAARRRRRS.

OH, I’VE BEEN ‘RANDOMLY SELECTED’ FOR AN AIRPORT SECURITY SCREENING?
THAT’S RICH. THAT’S COMEDY GOLD RIGHT THERE, OFFICER.

I don't know why, but imagining animals talking, and either drunk, conniving, or in histrionics is something I enjoy. A lot.

Go get more here!!